Carry On Communities
An E-Pantomime in Four Acts
Draft 1

Prologue : The Big Clunking Fist (see blog below)

Act 1 : The Children of Tescograd (see blog below)

Act 2 : The Court of the Red Tar (see : http://www.the-edge-of-town.blogspot.com/ on 20.12.2006)

Act 3 : The Witch of Worcester (see : http://www.jan8stone.blogspot.com/ on 21.12.2006)

Act 4 : The Charter of the Forest (see : http://www.the-green-man-project.blogspot.com/ on 22.12.2006)

Epilogue : Vision of Britain 2107 (see : http://www.the-green-man-project.blogspot.com/ on 22.12.2006)


Summary

"More faults are committed while we are trying to oblige than while we are trying to give offense". Tacitus

England is being terrorised by a Scottish giant known as the Big Clunking Fist, expelled from his home country which now has an independent government. However, the pantomime's action takes place mainly around the City of Worcester (now known as Tescograd), in the West Midlands, and its underworld - think Middle Earth ! - where the Red Tar (Sinbad Prescottt) holds his Court (think dysfunctional Office of the Deputy Prime Minister or ODPM).

The pantomine's hero, Simon Simpleman is a sort of hobbit (the people of Worcestershire provided something of the inspiration for Tolkien's hobbits) in whose heart lives on the true spirit of liberalism (small "l" and nothing to do with the Liberal-Democrats). Simon sets out with his faithful friend, Boris the Cat (formerly a Russian intelligence officer) , to discover the real meaning of regeneration and community, but he must first disarm The Court of the Red Tar.

This task accomplished, the hero seeks counsel from the Witch of Worcester who resides in the centre of the city. Amongst other challenges, she tasks him with regeneration of the ancient forests of Worcestershire, and the creation of a New Charter of the Forest. This Charter will in its turn provide the foundation for the long prophesied "Sustainable Communities", and act as catalyst for the regeneration of the "Great Brownlands", or the Birmingham conurbation.


Prologue : The Big Clunking Fist

Fi Fi Fo Fum
I smell the funds of an Englishman
Be he alive of be he dead
I'll have his money for my bread !

(based upon a well-known English nursery rhyme)

Under the Big Clunking Fist's reign of terror (Traffic Rules OK !), of which deregulation of the land use planning system is a key part, England has become a wasteland of suburbs and supermarkets, epitomised by the recent re-naming of Worcester as Tescograd....


Act 1 : The Children of Tescograd

Let's all work in Tesco's, let's all work in Tescos
Tra La La La, Tra La La
Let's all work in Tesco's, where we all buy our best clothes
Tra La La La, Tra La La

(based upon a song sung by local teenagers in what was Worcester).

The hobbit Simon Simpleman was in conversation with his faithful friend Boris the Cat, when the two heard a loud bang. "Another road traffic accident !", they both said simultaneously.
Sure enough, not far from their humble dwelling was a pile of metal and what appeared to be the remains of several teenagers. "These young people seem to have lost the will to live" said Simon. "I have not met an adult under 25 in recent years whose friends have not been seriously injured or killed in a road traffic accident. Moreover, the situation seems to be getting worse. What are we to do about it Boris ?".

Boris thought long and hard, as was his wont, and with an inscrutable expression said : "We must visit the Court of the Red Tar. My intelligence - old friends in MI5 you know ! - suggests that this can be accessed through an opening to the underworld below Junction 6 of the M5.
One of a number of an ancient oak trees near Junction 6 holds the key to this gateway. We must descend into the underworld and disarm the office of Sinbad Prescott, or the "Red Tar" as he has become known".

Simon smiled : "It all sound very "James Bond" to me Boris, particularly as there are plans for something of a "Casino Royale" nearby, but I feel that we two have been chosen by the ancestral spirits of these parts - ancient Britons, Saxons and all that - for this task. The City of Worcester and her surrounding countryside must somehow be restored to their former glories, and the shadows of Tescograd and all this represents be overturned, once and for all !"

With these words they set off upon a mission which seemed all but impossible.

To be continued @ www.the-edge-of-town.blogspot.com on 20.12.2006