Awakening towards the end of 2013, I realised that a certain political correctness had afflicted me in recent months, repressing my spirits and satirical proclivities. To set me to rights, I was later visited by the spirit of the seasonal e-pantomine who advised me to set down the following synopsis.
The events of this tale occur at an unspecified time in the future. Former British prime minister Tony Blair and Lord Peter Mandelson have acquired a mysterious life-prolonging elixir and now co-habit the Palace of the Parliament http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palace_of_the_Parliament - in Bucharest. Formerly the seat of Romania's Soviet-era president Nicolae Ceaușescu, the world's largest civilian building now accommodates the eastern head quarters of the European Union, including a unified presidency that has taken over the role of EU Parliament supremo. To add to this, President Blair is also a cardinal of the Roman Catholic church with ambitions to de-secularise the European Project and create a new Holy Roman Empire. Fortunately, however, these aspirations are beyond the scope of this particular synopsis.
Readers are no doubt wondering how the events I have described came about, and the story is marvellously straightforward. Awakening one morning a British prime minister of the near future took it upon herself to transform the country's unsustainable welfare state and wider public sector. Her government went, somewhat like the Starship Enterprise, where no recent British administration had dared go before and dismissed vast swathes of the kleptocracy, including those on the payroll of the state media, which had grown obese at the public expense. In short, the nation's finances were radically over-hauled, along with the benefits system. The effects of this were nothing short of miraculous. Seeing their mistress and her comrades living within their means, the British public soon followed suit. Those unaccustomed to such a lifestyle started to migrate in vast numbers - a subject I shall deal with later - and the country assumed a state of good governance never before experienced in its history. In short, a London banker's word was his bond, and not someone else's.
Unfortunately whilst Albion was liberated from financial repression and the other ills of a nation living beyond its means, the so-called "New British Problem" was exported to other parts of Europe as the engine of the unreal economy, with its propensities for public maladministration, property speculation, booms and busts, and labour market distortions relentlessly moved eastwards. Soon the citizens of Eastern Europe were complaining of similar evils to those their British counterparts had once done, including mass migration by Western Europeans, particularly from over-crowded areas in Southern England, and accompanying benefits tourism. Meanwhile, a Campaign to Protect Rural Eastern Europe, or CPREE, was established amidst clamorous support for wholesale importation of the early 21st century British planning system.
At this point, a spiritually ascended cadre of enlightened European leaders, including Vaclav Havel http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/V%C3%A1clav_Havel , took it upon themselves to instigate the second coming of Angela Merkel, who restored order and admitted Ukraine to the greater EU family.
Showing posts with label E-Pantomime. Show all posts
Showing posts with label E-Pantomime. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 07, 2014
Saturday, September 08, 2012
THE DAVE CAM CHANNEL NEEDS TO WISE UP
Although the Prime Minister is highly intelligent, a natural tendency to talk down to people means that he often manifests a dual public persona, or cross between "Dave the Vague" and "Dave the Wide-Boy". We also know that he can be totally ruthless. Both personae were in play last week as "Dave the Diffident", an unmediated version of "Dave the Vague", which has some similarity to the manner adopted by Harold Macmillan, ruthlessly sacked various ministers and vaguely informed the House of Commons of a "form of review" of "airport capacity" (See below) Meanwhile, "Dave the Wide-Boy" proclaimed that he would "get planners off people's backs" and the nation's potentially dodgy extensions off the ground in a manner more reminiscent of Del Boy Trotter.
In the midst of all this, I had a dream - and I jest not - about being given a lift by former James Bond actor Pierce Brosnan around the M25 and environs where some new and rather ugly development was taking shape. The journey ended, however, in an unregenerated inner urban neighbourhood. What could this vision presage, I wondered, except the continuing inability of the present government, like the previous one, to properly tackle the regeneration of Britain's inner city and older industrial areas, particularly in the Midlands and North of England? I was, nevertheless, curious about the significance of the Bond figure. Upon reflection, I think this was Brosnan as he appeared in "The Ghost Writer", apparently in a role based on that of former prime minister Blair.
I've since reflected that Colin Firth, an actor able to take on tragic and comic roles in equal measure, might one day play Dave Cameron very well. In the meantime, it behoves the Prime Minister to both wise up the content of his public pronouncements, and, given the obvious inferiority of his comic persona to that of London Mayor Boris Johnson (a figure even the creme de la creme of British comedy creators could not dream up), to seriously consider enhancing the No 10 sense of humour department, through the engagement of some new speech writers as well as technical advisers.
In the midst of all this, I had a dream - and I jest not - about being given a lift by former James Bond actor Pierce Brosnan around the M25 and environs where some new and rather ugly development was taking shape. The journey ended, however, in an unregenerated inner urban neighbourhood. What could this vision presage, I wondered, except the continuing inability of the present government, like the previous one, to properly tackle the regeneration of Britain's inner city and older industrial areas, particularly in the Midlands and North of England? I was, nevertheless, curious about the significance of the Bond figure. Upon reflection, I think this was Brosnan as he appeared in "The Ghost Writer", apparently in a role based on that of former prime minister Blair.
I've since reflected that Colin Firth, an actor able to take on tragic and comic roles in equal measure, might one day play Dave Cameron very well. In the meantime, it behoves the Prime Minister to both wise up the content of his public pronouncements, and, given the obvious inferiority of his comic persona to that of London Mayor Boris Johnson (a figure even the creme de la creme of British comedy creators could not dream up), to seriously consider enhancing the No 10 sense of humour department, through the engagement of some new speech writers as well as technical advisers.
Thursday, January 07, 2010
NEW SPECIAL RELATIONSHIPS
The Former US & UK Defence Secretaries
For some time I've been reflecting on another E-Pantomime called "New Special Relationships" whose synopsis runs something like this ....
For some time I've been reflecting on another E-Pantomime called "New Special Relationships" whose synopsis runs something like this .... The British Commonwealth and the Commonwealth of Independent States (ie former Soviet Union countries) have merged to form an Anglo-Russian Commonwealth (ARC), whose prime minister is Boris Johnson. Vladimir Putin has been declared the "New Tsar", and the old British royal family have been exiled to Australia. Peter Mandelson has entered into a civil partnership with a Russian oligarch, and Ken Livingstone is the new Mayor of Moscow...
In the meantime, Gordon Brown has invoked "A New Cold War" - Good Timing Again Gord ! - which might have something to do with Britain's growing dependence on Russian energy supplies, and Geoff Hoon has embarked upon a failed coup at home. Now Hoon is described as inconsequential by his former comrades in the Cabinet, but wasn't this the man who as former Secretary of State for Defence helped lead Britain into the Iraq War ? In fact, isn't he due to give evidence to The Iraq Inquiry, along with former Prime Minister Tony Blair ?
Given the leadership problems, past and present, of New Labour and the need for a new politics of pluralism in Britain, might I suggest the following political strategy to the Liberal-Democrats in the run-up to the General Election :
In the meantime, Gordon Brown has invoked "A New Cold War" - Good Timing Again Gord ! - which might have something to do with Britain's growing dependence on Russian energy supplies, and Geoff Hoon has embarked upon a failed coup at home. Now Hoon is described as inconsequential by his former comrades in the Cabinet, but wasn't this the man who as former Secretary of State for Defence helped lead Britain into the Iraq War ? In fact, isn't he due to give evidence to The Iraq Inquiry, along with former Prime Minister Tony Blair ?
Given the leadership problems, past and present, of New Labour and the need for a new politics of pluralism in Britain, might I suggest the following political strategy to the Liberal-Democrats in the run-up to the General Election :
- A Partnership with Labour in which Vince Cable is identified as Leader
- A Partnership with the Conservatives in which Vince is prospective Chancellor
This is the kind of new special relationship we need on the domestic front, and there's nothing like a cold, clear snowy day for some blue sky thinking.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Carry on Communities : Postscript
No Peace for the Wicked Blair Wizard
For the full story of how what follows came about, please read the pantomime in full in this and my other blogs.
Happy New Year...
"It's been a disaster !", said the wicked Blair Wizard as he prepared to conjure up the demon, Peter Mephistopheles. "Frankly, the only good thing is Gordon Brown's expulsion to a remote Scottish island. John Prescott should have gone by now. But worse, by far the worst of all, is that Clare Short is now heading up the new English Parliament in Birmingham : a mother of all parliaments indeed. My dreams of becoming first British President, with Cherie as First Lady - the beginnings of a great political Blair dynasty - are all come to nothing..."
At this instant, Peter Mephistopheles, attired in elegant designer horns and forked tail, appeared in a large puff of smoke.
"....We had a deal, Mephistopheles", said Blair Wizard, " and now my plans are all come to nothing !".
To which Mephistopheles responded : "Well, you should recall the old soviet saying : 'Plan too much and things go wrong". Although in your case, you had the wrong plans, certainly as regards land use planning, and those misnamed Communities Plans. The fact is the British don't like US, anymore than soviet-style planning". He continued : "Anyway Blair, I've enough of my own problems. Gordon "Big Clunking Fist" Brown and John "Falstaff" Prescott have upset all sorts of people in the underworld, including a number of important European friends, and its only my great diplomacy which maintains order down there just now. You, of all people, Blair should know that's there no peace for the wicked !"
With these words, Mephistopheles once again disappeared in a large puff of smoke.
"There he goes up in smoke yet again !", said Blair : "Still, I'm sure there will be a great opportunity for me somewhere in the global media industry, spinning stories around the world. I've still got friends in high places !"
And then a voice spoke, as if from the wilderness : "Yo Blair ! We still gotta whole lotta community-building to do. Wars and environmental disasters are good for the re-construction business".
No Peace for the Wicked Blair Wizard
For the full story of how what follows came about, please read the pantomime in full in this and my other blogs.
Happy New Year...
"It's been a disaster !", said the wicked Blair Wizard as he prepared to conjure up the demon, Peter Mephistopheles. "Frankly, the only good thing is Gordon Brown's expulsion to a remote Scottish island. John Prescott should have gone by now. But worse, by far the worst of all, is that Clare Short is now heading up the new English Parliament in Birmingham : a mother of all parliaments indeed. My dreams of becoming first British President, with Cherie as First Lady - the beginnings of a great political Blair dynasty - are all come to nothing..."
At this instant, Peter Mephistopheles, attired in elegant designer horns and forked tail, appeared in a large puff of smoke.
"....We had a deal, Mephistopheles", said Blair Wizard, " and now my plans are all come to nothing !".
To which Mephistopheles responded : "Well, you should recall the old soviet saying : 'Plan too much and things go wrong". Although in your case, you had the wrong plans, certainly as regards land use planning, and those misnamed Communities Plans. The fact is the British don't like US, anymore than soviet-style planning". He continued : "Anyway Blair, I've enough of my own problems. Gordon "Big Clunking Fist" Brown and John "Falstaff" Prescott have upset all sorts of people in the underworld, including a number of important European friends, and its only my great diplomacy which maintains order down there just now. You, of all people, Blair should know that's there no peace for the wicked !"
With these words, Mephistopheles once again disappeared in a large puff of smoke.
"There he goes up in smoke yet again !", said Blair : "Still, I'm sure there will be a great opportunity for me somewhere in the global media industry, spinning stories around the world. I've still got friends in high places !"
And then a voice spoke, as if from the wilderness : "Yo Blair ! We still gotta whole lotta community-building to do. Wars and environmental disasters are good for the re-construction business".
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Some Seasonal Saturnalia
I was reflecting overnight on whether the inclusion of an E-Pantomime in my everyday reality blog might have breached decorum in some way. However, I am reminded that this is the season of the Saturnalia, heralded, according to some accounts, by the Sun's entry into Capricornus, the Saturnalian sign of the Goat (which is today). In the Saturnalia, a Roman Festival, also linked with the coming of the Christmas Fool, the Mystery Plays and with the Cult of Misrule (Shakespeare's Falstaff is the embodiment of the latter). These festivities have in common the casting away of normal social rules and conventions, for a limited period of time, probably until the early New Year. Enjoy !
I was reflecting overnight on whether the inclusion of an E-Pantomime in my everyday reality blog might have breached decorum in some way. However, I am reminded that this is the season of the Saturnalia, heralded, according to some accounts, by the Sun's entry into Capricornus, the Saturnalian sign of the Goat (which is today). In the Saturnalia, a Roman Festival, also linked with the coming of the Christmas Fool, the Mystery Plays and with the Cult of Misrule (Shakespeare's Falstaff is the embodiment of the latter). These festivities have in common the casting away of normal social rules and conventions, for a limited period of time, probably until the early New Year. Enjoy !
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Carry On Communities
An E-Pantomime in Four Acts
Draft 1
Prologue : The Big Clunking Fist (see blog below)
Act 1 : The Children of Tescograd (see blog below)
Act 2 : The Court of the Red Tar (see : http://www.the-edge-of-town.blogspot.com/ on 20.12.2006)
Act 3 : The Witch of Worcester (see : http://www.jan8stone.blogspot.com/ on 21.12.2006)
Act 4 : The Charter of the Forest (see : http://www.the-green-man-project.blogspot.com/ on 22.12.2006)
Epilogue : Vision of Britain 2107 (see : http://www.the-green-man-project.blogspot.com/ on 22.12.2006)
Summary
"More faults are committed while we are trying to oblige than while we are trying to give offense". Tacitus
England is being terrorised by a Scottish giant known as the Big Clunking Fist, expelled from his home country which now has an independent government. However, the pantomime's action takes place mainly around the City of Worcester (now known as Tescograd), in the West Midlands, and its underworld - think Middle Earth ! - where the Red Tar (Sinbad Prescottt) holds his Court (think dysfunctional Office of the Deputy Prime Minister or ODPM).
The pantomine's hero, Simon Simpleman is a sort of hobbit (the people of Worcestershire provided something of the inspiration for Tolkien's hobbits) in whose heart lives on the true spirit of liberalism (small "l" and nothing to do with the Liberal-Democrats). Simon sets out with his faithful friend, Boris the Cat (formerly a Russian intelligence officer) , to discover the real meaning of regeneration and community, but he must first disarm The Court of the Red Tar.
This task accomplished, the hero seeks counsel from the Witch of Worcester who resides in the centre of the city. Amongst other challenges, she tasks him with regeneration of the ancient forests of Worcestershire, and the creation of a New Charter of the Forest. This Charter will in its turn provide the foundation for the long prophesied "Sustainable Communities", and act as catalyst for the regeneration of the "Great Brownlands", or the Birmingham conurbation.
Prologue : The Big Clunking Fist
Fi Fi Fo Fum
I smell the funds of an Englishman
Be he alive of be he dead
I'll have his money for my bread !
(based upon a well-known English nursery rhyme)
Under the Big Clunking Fist's reign of terror (Traffic Rules OK !), of which deregulation of the land use planning system is a key part, England has become a wasteland of suburbs and supermarkets, epitomised by the recent re-naming of Worcester as Tescograd....
Act 1 : The Children of Tescograd
Let's all work in Tesco's, let's all work in Tescos
Tra La La La, Tra La La
Let's all work in Tesco's, where we all buy our best clothes
Tra La La La, Tra La La
(based upon a song sung by local teenagers in what was Worcester).
The hobbit Simon Simpleman was in conversation with his faithful friend Boris the Cat, when the two heard a loud bang. "Another road traffic accident !", they both said simultaneously.
Sure enough, not far from their humble dwelling was a pile of metal and what appeared to be the remains of several teenagers. "These young people seem to have lost the will to live" said Simon. "I have not met an adult under 25 in recent years whose friends have not been seriously injured or killed in a road traffic accident. Moreover, the situation seems to be getting worse. What are we to do about it Boris ?".
Boris thought long and hard, as was his wont, and with an inscrutable expression said : "We must visit the Court of the Red Tar. My intelligence - old friends in MI5 you know ! - suggests that this can be accessed through an opening to the underworld below Junction 6 of the M5.
One of a number of an ancient oak trees near Junction 6 holds the key to this gateway. We must descend into the underworld and disarm the office of Sinbad Prescott, or the "Red Tar" as he has become known".
Simon smiled : "It all sound very "James Bond" to me Boris, particularly as there are plans for something of a "Casino Royale" nearby, but I feel that we two have been chosen by the ancestral spirits of these parts - ancient Britons, Saxons and all that - for this task. The City of Worcester and her surrounding countryside must somehow be restored to their former glories, and the shadows of Tescograd and all this represents be overturned, once and for all !"
With these words they set off upon a mission which seemed all but impossible.
To be continued @ www.the-edge-of-town.blogspot.com on 20.12.2006
An E-Pantomime in Four Acts
Draft 1
Prologue : The Big Clunking Fist (see blog below)
Act 1 : The Children of Tescograd (see blog below)
Act 2 : The Court of the Red Tar (see : http://www.the-edge-of-town.blogspot.com/ on 20.12.2006)
Act 3 : The Witch of Worcester (see : http://www.jan8stone.blogspot.com/ on 21.12.2006)
Act 4 : The Charter of the Forest (see : http://www.the-green-man-project.blogspot.com/ on 22.12.2006)
Epilogue : Vision of Britain 2107 (see : http://www.the-green-man-project.blogspot.com/ on 22.12.2006)
Summary
"More faults are committed while we are trying to oblige than while we are trying to give offense". Tacitus
England is being terrorised by a Scottish giant known as the Big Clunking Fist, expelled from his home country which now has an independent government. However, the pantomime's action takes place mainly around the City of Worcester (now known as Tescograd), in the West Midlands, and its underworld - think Middle Earth ! - where the Red Tar (Sinbad Prescottt) holds his Court (think dysfunctional Office of the Deputy Prime Minister or ODPM).
The pantomine's hero, Simon Simpleman is a sort of hobbit (the people of Worcestershire provided something of the inspiration for Tolkien's hobbits) in whose heart lives on the true spirit of liberalism (small "l" and nothing to do with the Liberal-Democrats). Simon sets out with his faithful friend, Boris the Cat (formerly a Russian intelligence officer) , to discover the real meaning of regeneration and community, but he must first disarm The Court of the Red Tar.
This task accomplished, the hero seeks counsel from the Witch of Worcester who resides in the centre of the city. Amongst other challenges, she tasks him with regeneration of the ancient forests of Worcestershire, and the creation of a New Charter of the Forest. This Charter will in its turn provide the foundation for the long prophesied "Sustainable Communities", and act as catalyst for the regeneration of the "Great Brownlands", or the Birmingham conurbation.
Prologue : The Big Clunking Fist
Fi Fi Fo Fum
I smell the funds of an Englishman
Be he alive of be he dead
I'll have his money for my bread !
(based upon a well-known English nursery rhyme)
Under the Big Clunking Fist's reign of terror (Traffic Rules OK !), of which deregulation of the land use planning system is a key part, England has become a wasteland of suburbs and supermarkets, epitomised by the recent re-naming of Worcester as Tescograd....
Act 1 : The Children of Tescograd
Let's all work in Tesco's, let's all work in Tescos
Tra La La La, Tra La La
Let's all work in Tesco's, where we all buy our best clothes
Tra La La La, Tra La La
(based upon a song sung by local teenagers in what was Worcester).
The hobbit Simon Simpleman was in conversation with his faithful friend Boris the Cat, when the two heard a loud bang. "Another road traffic accident !", they both said simultaneously.
Sure enough, not far from their humble dwelling was a pile of metal and what appeared to be the remains of several teenagers. "These young people seem to have lost the will to live" said Simon. "I have not met an adult under 25 in recent years whose friends have not been seriously injured or killed in a road traffic accident. Moreover, the situation seems to be getting worse. What are we to do about it Boris ?".
Boris thought long and hard, as was his wont, and with an inscrutable expression said : "We must visit the Court of the Red Tar. My intelligence - old friends in MI5 you know ! - suggests that this can be accessed through an opening to the underworld below Junction 6 of the M5.
One of a number of an ancient oak trees near Junction 6 holds the key to this gateway. We must descend into the underworld and disarm the office of Sinbad Prescott, or the "Red Tar" as he has become known".
Simon smiled : "It all sound very "James Bond" to me Boris, particularly as there are plans for something of a "Casino Royale" nearby, but I feel that we two have been chosen by the ancestral spirits of these parts - ancient Britons, Saxons and all that - for this task. The City of Worcester and her surrounding countryside must somehow be restored to their former glories, and the shadows of Tescograd and all this represents be overturned, once and for all !"
With these words they set off upon a mission which seemed all but impossible.
To be continued @ www.the-edge-of-town.blogspot.com on 20.12.2006
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